It sucks to not genuinely believe in things anymore. Not only is life less fun when you don't feel compelled by some unforeseeable narrative to carry on, but people start to trust you less because your once dependable faith in that narrative is waning. Your friends wonder if you're an authentic person. Your lack of commitment to the dream is socially unattractive, confusing, unrelatable. What else might I be doing out of guilt, not sincere interest? People don't believe me now that they know I don't believe in things.
I've quickly gone from an ENFP to an INFP. It feels like nothing inspiring can come out of physically exhausting social interactions. So I isolate myself in either my bedroom or bathroom, settling for the company of my mirror reflection instead. Finally I understand what a buzzkill I am. But I'd rather change my outfit than my opinion. ;)
Maybe a good example of my literally immeasurable, but detectable, bitterness is this cyan/turquoise/teal outfit I wore several weeks ago. In December 2012, I would have genuinely loved what it represented; allegiance to a group of people who also deliberately wore these colors and prints. But now that I don't seek alliances with subcultures and people, I don't care what reaction someone has to this outfit. It no longer serves a 'signified purpose.' It's just a black and cyan outfit that hearkens to the tropical nostalgia of faith in the future.
I do sincerely hope that someone is inspired anyway.
Supershop 24 Hrs holographic snapback, Romwe checkered bodysuit, Romwe palm tree leggings, H&M shirt, Boohoo rhinestone heels
Everything is infinite,